I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
