new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
