Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
