that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
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