Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
only if we run a train.
done.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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