i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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