thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
