I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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