My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
