I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
