So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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