so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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