my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.