I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?