Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.