My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.