The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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