why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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