Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
