I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize