you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think my vagina is haunted
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
