It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
His nipple licking is glorious
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