I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
