no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
