OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
