Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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