Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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