She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
