dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
