I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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