I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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