It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
