love makes seman taste better
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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