the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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