Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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