THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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