I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
