just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
