i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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