He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
