I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
