alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
