i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
