my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
