question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this is an emotional support booty call
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
