marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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