Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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