I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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