paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
