just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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