Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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