There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
