I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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