haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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