are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
