great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
