I think I am morally bankrupt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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