on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
