Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
