I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
