I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
