I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
