So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
