and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
