Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
