Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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