the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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