went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
