He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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