One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am one with the molecules
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
