at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
