woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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