A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
