At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
