her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
