Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
