found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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