No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
