i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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